The purpose of yoga is to open up the central channels. It is getting into the very core of your being where all of your deepest thoughts and feelings lie. I think of how many things I have lined up in my day, my life to distract myself from sensing that deep center. There are times that I feel I am close but then this grief arises and I turn away from it.
Last night I went to bed and in that luminous space in between waking and sleeping I felt I had “people” with me – my deceased grandmother, and other ancestors – I was in some feeling place of deep pain and feebly asked them to help with it. They smiled gently and witnessed me in my struggle. And then I thought of Jacob wrestling with the angel all night. And how my baby wrestles against me right before she falls asleep. There is a tension in the body that is there as soon as we enter this human experience and a natural resistance to feel the deepest parts of ourselves. Staying present is the only thing we can do. When I asked my beings to help they simply witnessed – they modeled what it was I should be doing. And by modeling, they lent their energy to me in that direction. Even children who are “poor sleepers” will nap when they see all of the other children napping.
Einstein had this idea of recombinant play. It is like a big pot of stew. You add the various items and see what new thing is created. I think it is a more creative and delicious description than “the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.” Here is my stew: I’ve got this body with its various old injuries, aches, deficiencies. I’ve got this deep grief feeling that comes up every time I do yoga, but really not any other time. And I have a belief that I really need to be more organized, and that the disorganization is somehow keeping me back in life. I am going to be stirring my stew every day for the next year. And I will be watchful for even the tiniest unfolding of my inner being.